Naseeha

this great piece of advice on advice (lol) came from an email from one of my friends and i wanted to share it with you guys.

There’s an art and science behind Naseeha that we Muslims need to pick up on. Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (rahimuhullah) wrote a piece entitled “The Difference Between Naseeha and Ta’eer” which illustrates the difference between advising someone and chastising them. Using some bits from it and other sources, I found some ways we can properly practice Naseeha and increase our love and respect for our fellow Muslims. Naseehah is a wonderful weapon, but like most weapons, if the user does not know how to use it properly, it can cause more harm than good.

Giving Naseeha

Always give Naseeha sincerely. From the get go, you want to have clear intent that the reason why you’re advising this person is to please Allah (SWT) and find the truth of the issue at hand. Naseeha is not about who’s right and who’s wrong, or if either side is better or “holier” than the other. Both the giver and receiver should be striving for the truth, not to beat the other in a debate.

Ibn Rajab writes: (imam As Shafi’i) said, “I have never debated with someone except that I wished the truth becomes clear; regardless whether it comes from his tongue or mine”. This indicates that his intention was only that of to make the truth apparent, whether it is from himself or the from the person whom he differed with, and whoever thinks like this then there is no problem in refuting his statements by making clear his contradiction to the Sunnah, whether he is alive or dead. Also, give it kindly! Ever heard of the phrase, “it’s not what you say but how you say it”? This applies straight up to Naseeha.

Rudeness in Naseeha is usually the number one problem that makes people unwilling to accept it, so don’t let anger cloud your approach. You may be upset with the person you saw doing something wrong and you really want to give them a piece of your mind. Don’t. Being too harsh will destroy both your advice and your relationship with the person. Never underestimate the power of a smile (or a smiley face online!)

Naseeha has to be given secretly. Public embarrassment scars people for life and advising people in front of others can ruin everything you have to say to them. It also makes the Naseeha turn into Ta’eer, or chastising, because other people now hear about the mistakes and faults you’re advising your fellow Muslim on. Ibn Rajab says about Naseeha in secret:Naseehah is accompanied by covers (of faults) and Ta’eer is accompanied by publicity, as Imam Ash-Shafi’i said in a poem to the meaning of:
“whenever you want to advise me do so privately,and avoid advising publicly,because advising in the presence of people, is a form of embarrassment I am not pleased to listen to”

The salaf used to say “whoever commanded his brother (to do good) in a gathering where there are people, then he has exposed him.” This is why the salaf used to dislike commanding good and forbidding evil in this manner, and they preferred it (commanding good and forbidding evil) privately between two individuals, and this is from the signs of true Naseeha, because the purpose of Naseeha is not to spread people faults, but rather it is to remove the wrong that took place.

Be smart in regards to the setting of Naseeha. Time, place, mood, and method all can play a role. This is especially true when the mistake you’ve noticed has angered you and it might be better to hold off for a bit, letting tempers cool and time pass by. Also, it can really help to consider how you’re giving the person Naseeha. I have found, personally, that when I gave people Naseeha online via Email or Instant Messaging, because it was in writing and not in person I came off as sounding very harsh to friends and family. So I worked to change my tone, added smiley faces to my writing, and tried to give the advice in person more often, all of which have helped me. Factors like time, place, and mood vary depending on your scenario so use wisdom and be smart in choosing your time and method of advising others.

Finally, don’t force it. You can’t expect everyone to take action with what you think is right. Not only will you find it ineffective, it goes against the whole point of Naseeha: giving advice.

Shaykh Kamil Mufti wrote that Ibn Hazm commented on this, stating that if one gives Naseeha thinking that the person absolutely has to accept it, they are no longer advising; they are oppressing the person. “O people, remain conscious of God, forgive me my faults and help me in my task. Assist me in enforcing what is good and forbidding what is evil. Advise me regarding the obligations that have been imposed upon me by God…” - Umar ibn al-Khattab 12AH

Ange says:

soooo many people in the past and present have given me nasty comments in the thinly veiled excuse of 'advice'. for those who have - you didnt do anything good, you only pointed fingers, tried to embarrass and anger me - so your advice really went no where. i would like to thank all those people who have personally emailed me their concerns or naseeha. it shows a lot of respect and integrity on your part. so thank you.